silent strength

After nineteen years of being leaned on, it's hard to stand up straight. And that's why I can't go home. But after forty-six years of being crushed, it's almost impossible to stand at all. And that's why I have to go home. How do you explain to the ones who depend on you most that you can't bare their burdens with them anymore? That you have your own and need a little understanding. A little compassion. The ones in your lives that are there for everyone else because only you can see the pain in their lives. You can't go to them because everyone else does. Because they come to you, so you have to smile and stay strong. It is exhausting and I am tired. I'm tired of silently crying myself to sleep at night. Of aching for your pains. Of pushing through the long days just to cling to the few good ones. But I must. I cannot stop. Too many people depend on me. If I stop, I admit defeat. I fail myself and I fail them. But worst of all, I fail my God. The only one who is there to bare my burdens when no one else can. The one who I run to last, but who was there first. Oh God, I cry to you! My heart bursts in anguish as hot tears stream down my broken cheeks. No words flow forth from my mouth yet my heart does utter endless woes. And you hear each one with careful consideration! You know each one before I comprehend it! Oh God, you are my saving grace once more. Like so many times before and so many times to come, you are my Savior. How I long for your comfort! How I long to escape reality and be with you always! But, I understand I cannot. I must push on with You. Deliver me, oh God. Rain mercy on me once more. Make me strong for myself and for others. Get me through this like always. Oh, how I love Jesus because He once loved me!